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Visit our new blog. It lists all the new things that we are doing and what new material has been added to our site. We even list new missionaries who sign up with us for technical support so you can pray for them. FCM News

Moose Snot

by Rhonda Clark

Do you know anyone who’s been sneezed on by a moose?

Well, you do now—because, as absurd as it sounds, I have been sneezed on by a moose. I know the question that is running through your mind. Every time I tell this story someone inevitably asks, “A moose? You’ve been sneezed on by a moose?” Yes, it was definitely a moose, and his name was Hartford. Hartford lived on a wildlife preserve outside Houston, Texas. My husband, my son, and I were vacationing in the area, and I thought it would be fun—especially for my four-year-old son—to visit the preserve. Ryan would love to see the animals up close and personal—come to find out, this was a little too up close and personal for me. When we arrived at the park, we paid for the tour and climbed into the yellow trailer covered with a yellow and white striped awning. At this time, we were handed a paper bucket containing food. We were told that the safer animals would be allowed to approach us to feed. Sounded harmless enough, and, in a way, sort of cool. We would be able to feed animals that up until now we had only seen on television. I was pretty proud of myself and the vacation that I had planned. The feeling of euphoria didn’t hang around long. Not long after the tour started, Ryan scrambled to the back of the trailer into a spot that only a little boy could fit into, and being ‘the mom,’ I’m stuck holding the paper bucket. I didn’t really mind, mostly because I was accustomed to holding something that belonged to him anyway—I try to no longer do that.

Everything was going fine until we stopped near Hartford. That giant animal came from the trees and was an amazing sight. The old moose’s head boasted a huge, wide set of antlers, and I had never seen a muzzle so large. He stuck what he could of his head into the trailer and chose my bucket to munch from. In fact, the strong animal almost forced the bucket from my hand. Then, he raised his face level with mine and stared into my eyes—as if he were saying ‘thank you.’ In an instant he sneezed and I closed my eyes. I remember hearing a unanimous “eeeuuuhhhh,” ringing in my ears. That’s when I opened my eyes to find humongous snot globules covering my glasses (thank God I don’t see very well). For a moment I sat there shocked. My wonderful husband was about to fall overboard laughing—I should have pushed hard in the hopes that Hartford would use him as a welcome mat. Then, as I wiped slimy strings from my face, I looked around to the shocked and amused faces of the other patrons. Having no napkin, tissue, or paper towel in my bag, I did the only thing I could—I wiped my hands on my shorts, while I was wishing for a shower stall hidden amongst the trees. Finally, I noticed the baby on the lap next to mine and asked those folks if they could spare a baby wipe. Reluctantly, they gave me a couple, and those weren’t enough to remove the rapidly drying film from my glasses. The rest of the tour, I spent looking at animals through smeared lenses, and I made my husband hold the bucket—I was done. Over the years, I have related that story to several friends as nothing more than a silly anecdote, but being a student of symbolism and irony, I began to think how this would relate to a Christian life. Don’t think I’m completely off my rocker—only just a little (who else could find symbolism in moose snot), but when you truly think about it; it does make sense. Throughout the bible, God has gone to some pretty extreme measures to get peoples attention. He sucked Jonah into the belly of a whale when he wouldn’t do what he was told. I’m sure those three days were a lot worse than my few hours covered in dried moose slime. Do you think he would have gotten the same message if he’d been covered in camel spit? Probably not. Let’s not forget the Saul/Paul incident on the road to Damascus. I’m sure if God’s face looked directly into mine and His voice boomed from heaven, I’d crumble into a heap too, and, maybe even be speechless (which doesn’t happen very often for me). I’m not sure if Paul would have preferred a moose sneeze over being blinded by God’s brilliance for three days. I think I would have to choose the moose—or maybe not. What about Balaam and the talking donkey? That doesn’t quite outdo the whale story, but it is my favorite. Just the idea of your pet all of a sudden telling you everything you had been doing wrong; that definitely would have made me fall to the ground and repent. Then again, it would have been nice if Hartford had announced, “Please move your head, I’m about to sneeze.” Then I recall the event where Gabriel told Zacharias that Elizabeth was going to have a baby. Zacharias questioned God, and God made his point by taking Zacharias’s voice away until John was born. That would have definitely been easier than being sneezed on, but my friends might dispute my ability to be quiet for that long. Although the moose sneezing event occurred more than 6 years ago, I’ll never forget it, and neither will my family. My son, now a pre-teen boy, enjoys sharing the gross details with anyone who will listen. One thing I’ve learned is that moose snot is thick, sticky, and hard to clean off; much like the situations that we get into when we don’t listen to God’s gentle, soft whisper. When we do get into those predicaments where we don’t belong, or stubbornly refuse to follow his lead, He grabs our attention any way possible, whether it is with a tap on the shoulder or the sneeze of a colossal animal. He will—one way or another—grab our attention, just like I grabbed yours with the words “Moose Snot.”

All Glory and Honor to God